Oh, Can You Feel It?

I have a feeling you won't ever childishly mock me again.

House

Hey Cunt!

Yeah, YOU. The one who my sons had the distinct displeasure of being confined to your festering womb before you abandoned them. You are a complete and utter imbecile.

We all realize you are a (former?) drug addict and that it has hurt everyone beyond your comprehension, you selfish pig. But now that you have taken your fascination with drugs up a notch and drugged my baby, you have stepped into dangerous ground. I have always let my sub deal with you when I am unhappy with your stupidity just to keep things civil, but that may have to come to a screeching halt now that you have proven yourself incompetent once again.

I TOLD you my precious 7-year-old only got his post-tonsillectomy pain medicine IF NEEDED. And that is exactly what the bottle says also. Can you read? You ARE still in school at 35 for yet another degree you will not use, but really are you THAT dumb? I knew you were not listening to me so I reiterated it to your enabler mother. ONLY GIVE IT TO HIM IF HE ASKS.

You fucking whore. You told him he had to have it every 4 hours the whole 2 days you had him. You fucking whore, you lied to my face and said you only gave it to him when he asked. It is liquid VICODIN, you fucking whore. You made a 7-year-old give Hugh Laurie a run for his money and I am the one, once again, that had to clean up your fucking mess. He was miserable, upset and cranky after being overdosed and I am the one that had to deal with him.

The ways your forge connections with the boys is sick. You thrive on dysfunction and drama. It's time to grow up and find other things to connect with them over besides butts, farts, poop, drugs and jail. You are loving the jail connection with #1 and have concocted a drug connection with #3. Your sadistic need for them to be like you in any way possible, even to their own peril if need be, is disgusting. What is next? Are you going to pimp out the 9-year-old to a pedophile so you can have the slut connection with him? That is (almost) the worst thing I can think of and yet would not be shocked if it happened. You are shameless and nauseating.

You wanting the supervised visitation limitation on the custody arrangement is a joke. You are a joke. You are a fucking waste. No one needs or wants you. You can drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress. Asshole.

Heed Your Instincts

I get it when we're having a conversation and you get lost. I can be patient and re-explain things to you. But when we're texting and you say things that indicate you're not even paying attention, all you are doing is pissing me off. Just fucking read! Re-read it if you have to.

Jolly Green One

Just what the hell do you think you're doing? When you go and put gas in my car you had best put the seat back exactly where I had it when you get back. Better yet, don't move it at all. And what is up with lying the seat all the way back anyway? You're not a giant. You're two inches taller than me.

Drink Up, Bitch

OK. SO I wasn't planning on going to the liquor store. I went because my friend (your ex-girlfriend) invited me along for the drive. But since I did go and since I got you your pussy vodka you better fucking entertain me.

And I swear. If you come down here and ask me what I want to do instead of just doing it, your ass will regret it.

Dare

Dear SH,

Put the baby in bed with me without any of her binkies and then go play Xbox again. I fucking dare you.

Your Majesties

Dear Grade School Parents,

Do you seriously not understand how the carpool line works? When you stop right in front of the door and don't pull all the way forward TO THE SIGN THAT TELLS YOU HOW FAR TO GO it only leaves room for 3 or so more cars to drop off their kids. Are your precious little offspring that fucking lazy that they can't walk a few extra yards? Are you and yours so damn special you don't have to consider anyone else around you? When only 4 cars at a time can let their kids out instead of 8 or 9, it causes delays. See all those cars backed up all the way up the hill? That's because of you, jackass.

Intention

Dear Stepson 1,

Don't bait me all day doing every fucking thing I hate ON PURPOSE and then ask for a favor right before bedtime. I'm not DVRing anything for your punk ass.

Moody

Dear BFF

When I tell SubbyHubby to apologize to you because of the baby fit he threw last time you were over here to play Rock Band, don't tell him that its OK because I was the one being moody. You're MY friend, not his. Let him feel bad for his behavior.

And I was NOT being moody.